Teddy Durgin
There is no doubt that weeks into social distancing, we’re all going a bit stir crazy. We can binge-watch TV shows, have movie marathons and listen to our downloaded song playlists all we want. But nothing beats watching or attending live events — games, concerts, plays, etc.
I share your frustrations, INTIX members. And whenever I get frustrated, I turn to movies for answers. Some people consult a mentor for advice. Others go to their local clergyman. I seek the wisdom and guidance of those modern-day oracles: Hollywood directors and actors. I’ve spent the better part of this past week compiling the below “If You Miss” list. Please keep in mind, these aren’t the best movies of their respective genres and subgenres, but they are films to call up on pay-per-view or pop into the DVD/Blu-Ray player and just turn the world off for a couple of hours.
Best Movie if You Miss Spring Training and Major League Baseball: “Major League.”
You won’t think of the sad, virus-ridden, no-baseball outside world once while watching this flick. Willie Mays Hayes. Ricky “The Wild Thing” Vaughn. Harry Doyle. “JUST a bit outside!” “Ball 4 … Ball 8.” “This guy threw at his own son in a father-son game.” You gotta love this movie.
Best Movie if You Miss March Madness Basketball: Go with “Glory Road” … at least until they make a movie about the 2018 UMBC Retrievers. Some college hoops fans are still sitting in front of the TV, mouths agape, shocked at the No. 16 seed’s upset of No. 1 Virginia two-plus years later.
Best Movie if You Miss NBA Basketball: “Space Jam.” It’s also a great movie if you miss NBA basketball circa the 1980s and ’90s. What other flick has NBA legends Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing?
Best Movie if You Miss NHL Hockey: “Miracle.” Sure, it’s not about pro hockey. But it’s about the greatest moment in hockey ever! Oh, and when you have a hard time motivating your sequestered spouse and kids to do things around the house in the coming days and weeks, channel your inner Coach Herb Brooks. “Again!”
Best Movie if You Miss Live Theatre: “Birdman.” It’s also a great movie if you miss drums.
Best Movie if You Miss Live Music: It all depends on what kind of music you like to listen to. If it’s classic rock, “Bohemian Rhapsody.” If it’s rap, “Straight Outta Compton.” If it’s old-school country, “Walk the Line.” But if you just want to shut off reality for a little while, go with the brilliant mockumentary, “This Is Spinal Tap.”
Best Movie if You Miss the Ballet: “Black Swan.” Stuck at home, you think you’re losing your mind and going off the rails? Natalie Portman says, “Hold my beer.”
Best Movie if You Miss Live Political Debates and Campaign Rallies: “The Ides of March.” The fact that there exists a movie featuring a cast of George Clooney, Ryan Gosling. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Marisa Tomei, Jeffrey Wright, Paul Giamatti and Evan Rachel Wood should be an eternal source of hope and optimism that we’ll make it as a people.
Best Movie if You Miss Conventions and Trade Shows: “Cedar Rapids.” This underrated 2011 gem finds naïve insurance salesman Ed Helms attending his first trade show and falling under the “guidance” of three veteran convention attendees. The great supporting cast includes Anne Heche, John C. Reilly, Isaiah Whitlock Jr. and Sigourney Weaver.
Best Movie If You Miss Going to a Museum: “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian.” I prefer the sequel to the original, because it has a very young Rami Malek way before “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “Mr. Robot,” Jon Bernthal a year before “The Walking Dead,” and the always delightful Amy Adams (as Amelia Earhart, no less).
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