Leadership / 09.09.20
INTIX Members Are Finding Joy in Hard Times
Christine Payne
This year has been something else, and it is hard to find just the right words to describe it. Our beloved industry shuttered completely, virtually overnight, and the streets became still as we sheltered in place. Almost six months later, things remain difficult for so many INTIX members, entertainment industry professionals, as well as our families, friends and neighbors.
I often feel sad these days. I know many of us do. Heck, even Maureen Andersen, our President and CEO, sent out an invitation to Wednesday Wisdom, a weekly INTIX-hosted professional meeting, sharing how she had been feeling down, was “dangerously close to a full-on pity party and sinking fast into the muck and mud of self-indulgence and selfishness.” She wanted to “chuck it all and lay on the couch and whine and complain and watch endless TV.” Who wouldn’t, she said. “We’re in a freaking pandemic, it’s 114 degrees here and the world is going to hell.”
Maureen has a way with words like no one I have ever met. She wears her heart on her sleeve and cares deeply and genuinely about our community. So do the five ticketing professionals we spoke with recently about how they are coping yet also finding joy in these crazy times. Here, we share their deep thoughts, heartfelt advice and caring recommendations in their own words.
Liz Baqir
“The overarching emotion we are feeling is grief, and I think people need to recognize that,” says Liz Baqir of Berkeley, California. “You are grieving your old life. You are grieving your way of life. Many people in our profession are also grieving their jobs and their whole organization. We are feeling this intense loss, and with that comes a feeling of uncertainty. There is no way around grief for anyone who has ever suffered an intense loss. You have to go through it, so I encourage everyone to embrace it. I am a widow, and the most important thing I learned in my widow support group is that you must let yourself feel those feelings. Hopefully by doing that, by feeling them and acknowledging that those feelings are normal and appropriate for what is happening in your life right now, you are able to work through them and get past them, so you are not stuck in the mire of, ‘Oh my God, what is going to happen to me?’”
Baqir continues, “The two things this pandemic reminds me of are losing my husband and the death of [Grateful Dead singer and guitarist] Jerry Garcia. The part that is like the death of Jerry Garcia is the collective grief that we are feeling. Obviously, I was not the only person who grieved my husband, but it impacted my life the most. When Jerry Garcia died, my whole tribe, my whole subculture of Deadheads, was at a loss of what we were going to do and where we were going to go. I feel like the ticketing tribe is in that place right now. Some of what we are feeling is this collective grief for our tribe and our way of life. We are watching friends, colleagues, co-workers and mentors lose their jobs and get discouraged. It is an enormous amount of pressure, and there is no timeline with grief. It comes in waves. Some days you will feel positive, and some days it feels insurmountable. My best advice is to allow yourself to feel that way, allow yourself to have bad days. The grief just happens to you. Let yourself feel it. Sometimes I cry. I just let myself cry.”
Norm Major
“There are moments when you just need another human being to help you through it,” says Norm Major of Costa Mesa, California. “There are people here to get you through that grief, so it is OK to feel it, and it is okay to lean on others. There is zero weakness in that. In fact, I think it is just the opposite. It shows strength, that you can push through things and do it with other people. My wife has me and I have my wife, but it has to expand beyond that as well. You have to be able to put yourself out there a little bit. I wouldn’t recommend Facebook or social media. It is better served for personal connections that have already been established and for keeping in contact with those people when normally you may not. Getting together on a Zoom call or Google Meetup where you see each other face-to-face has much more impact than a texting conversation or something on Facebook or Twitter. There are no limitations and there is no fear of something being put in writing that other people can see. You speak more freely, and you are willing to be more vulnerable in these more intimate settings.”
Geo Haynes
“I have met different people within INTIX that made me be OK with being professionally vulnerable and being authentically myself when I am around them and the INTIX tribe,” shares Geo Haynes of San Francisco. “It is weird because when I was growing up in my earlier career, I did not think it was okay to do that or be that way as a guy. Now I am in my mid-40s, I am only growing and it is so second nature now to be that way.”
“I think early in the pandemic we were all trying to pretend we were fine. It was new and it felt like a project, so I was just going to dive right into it, but now five-plus months in and knowing we have however many months to go before we can feel we have come through this, maybe another year for all we know, I think it is OK to admit when you are having a bad moment or a bad day,” says Shawn Robertson of Los Angeles. “You do not do yourself any good by pretending that everything is fine if it is not.
Shawn Robertson
“[I cannot allow myself to be] inhibited by the fact that I can’t go out, or that I do not go to my regular job, or worry about whether my job is going to be there, or how long I can last financially without a normal paycheck because I do have unemployment. I have allowed myself to explore other job opportunities, to explore a little growth in my own field,” Major says. “I am taking on different types of jobs, like consulting work that I can do remotely, whatever I have to commit to long-term that is going to use my expertise to help other people.”
“It is strange,” says Aren Murray of San Antonio, Texas. “We’ve been trained to look at the negative. Little babies and animals see spots of light, admire it, smile and that makes them happy. Then as adults we look at the chance of rain, not the chance of a beautiful day. You accept what is going on, you plan, then you have to let it go. Create a positive world, and it will shine back on you. If you are putting love and positivity into the world, that is what is going to be surrounding you.”
Aren Murray
“I think change is inevitable, and we should try to be the light for ourselves and for other people; it means something different for everyone,” Haynes says. “We are going to process ‘changing everything’ within our industry, within our personal selves and our careers; so, understand that change is going to happen and then also just be the light. Just be the light internally for yourself and for other people.”
“Smile more,” Robertson says. “The more you smile, the more you will believe it. You get what you give. If you are putting out a positive energy and outlook, that will come back to you more than the opposite will. If you are negative and not trying to find the positive or the joy, then you are going to find the negative. We all have our moments. I am not saying it is possible 100% of the time, but if you start seeing yourself falling into that negative mindset more often, stop and ask why you are doing that and talk to people, see what they are doing. They may be doing a better job of trying to remain optimistic and project positivity, then you may find that you help each other.”
“After my husband died, I thought I would never feel joy again. It was a devastating, horrible thing. Obviously, this is different, but the point is it is difficult these days to feel joy, and it is difficult to feel hope, but it is not impossible,” Baqir says. “You might find it in taking up a project or hobby that you have always wanted to that you have never had time to do before. You might find it in getting back in touch with old friends or reconnecting with family members who you have taken for granted. You have to find those things in your life that you may not have had the time to do before because of work.”
“I am trying to find joy by remaining connected as much as possible to my family, friends and colleagues, including my INTIX friends from around the country. I play a lot of tennis, so I have a lot of tennis buddies from around the country. My family has been doing a weekly Zoom call throughout the pandemic,” Robertson says. “I have a stepmom, four stepbrothers and a brother who all live in Upstate New York with their various families, wives, husbands and children. My father passed away five years ago, and my mom passed away seven years ago, so my stepmom is the only parental unit I have left. I really look forward to those calls and to reconnecting. Sometimes we will be on for three or four hours, just sitting around talking.”
“Very early on I decided I would look for opportunities to communicate with people that I miss,” Baqir says. “All the ticketing people I know are incredibly busy and there are friendships and family relationships that could use some more time and communication. I now have a weekly Zoom call with my two best girlfriends from college, who both live on the East Coast. I love them dearly, but I only see them once or twice a year when I go back to see my parents. They are my girls, they are my best friends, they are my sisters. They have kids, I have a crazy job, and so we have not had the opportunity to do something like this before, but now we are doing it, and it is magical.”
“I am having time with my friends and really homing in on deeper conversations with my wife, my best friend and my other friends too,” Major says. “We do not get on the phone and just talk about the weather or that kind of thing. We are talking about each other and what our interests are and really delving deep into those things. In a way, it has helped rediscover what it must have been like before all this technology was out there.”
“When I get down and I do not feel I can talk to anybody or do anything right, I go to a hobby that is absorbing, so you cannot think of anything else other than what you are doing,” Murray says. “For some people it is running, for others it is painting or singing. Whatever it is, it is something that completely absorbs your mental capabilities so you can take a break from what you are telling yourself. You have to somehow break that cycle. It is not always easy to do, but it can be done.”
“Sometimes I go out with friends on socially distanced hikes,” Haynes says. “It is different because I usually never have time for that. I am in the [arena] all the time. It is like a breath of fresh air seeing the environment, the trees and the scenery, even though it is smoky in California right now. It is good to just be outside and to see people even with a mask on. That is my happy place currently.”
“I have become addicted to a karaoke app called Smule where people from all over the world post songs and you can create duets; you sing half of a song and someone else sings the other half,” Murray says. “The singing is fun, and it is a release for me — I always call singing my yoga. On top of that, it has grown my relationship with my husband. It sounds totally weird, but at night when we are getting ready for bed, we have created this habit where he asks, ‘Did you sing today?’, I say ‘Yes’ and he listens to the song. It is something that is interesting to both of us that we are sharing.”
“I play a lot of games that interact with people online or spend time with my wife and play old board games and video games,” Major says. “We play Dungeons and Dragons and dominos online. There is a great virtual tabletop program called Tabletop Simulator. It’s a virtual table and you can add board games to your table, then play with people you know or even with strangers.”
“Like a lot of people, I started with ‘I am going to garden and bake bread.’ All that stuff loses its charm after a while. I got to a point where I was feeling out of control,” Baqir says. “I wasn’t doing well budgeting my time, so I started a daily practice where I get up in the morning and write down three things I am grateful for and three things I want to get done that day. They are not complicated. Sometimes I am grateful for the mug of coffee in my hand and the thing I want to get done that day is a load of laundry. They are not complex; they are not lofty goals in any way. They repeat because sometimes I am grateful for that coffee more than one day that week, but it is a reminder to myself that I have a lot to be grateful for. Sometimes I am grateful that I got a good night’s sleep and that I have things to do.”
“Lists of positives can help,” Murray says. “Make questions and come up with five answers. What are you looking forward to in the future? What did you enjoy today? Who loves you? That is a big one; it always makes me cry because people do love me. Write down your answers and put them in your purse or your planner or next to your bed. Pick up the list and read through it, then focus on those positives. It is a wonderful thing that really makes a difference for me. That came out of a Christian-based book called “The 4:8 Principle.” It is all based on a Bible verse where it says to dwell on what is good and lovely and kind and just. It is amazing how much that can do for you in your life, and I have to remind myself of that regularly.”
“I am trying to embrace the things that give me joy even more so than maybe I realized I needed before,” Robertson says. “I am a big tennis player. For the first couple of months [of the pandemic], we were not allowed to play tennis. Now I am playing, and you can do it socially distanced. The good thing about tennis is that you are on opposite sides of the court. You don’t have to interact with each other in a close way. I am also cherishing my down time and trying to be better at understanding the work-from-home work-life balance. When we first started [working from home] I would wake up at 7:30 or 8 a.m. and I would log on, and I would just work until 6 or 7 p.m. Now I get up and I try not to log on before 9:30. Sometimes I have calls, like the INTIX weekly call. It is important to me; it is my connection to the community. I am also cherishing my weekends as time to recharge and getting more comfortable taking time off. No matter how much I feel my job is secure, you realize nobody is above being in the next round [of furloughs or layoffs]. There was a small part of me that was anxious about taking a day or two off because I did not want the company to realize that they may be fine without me. I need to take some days here or there just to remain sane. It is a slow process to get yourself to that acceptance sometimes.”
“One of my co-workers, who I have worked very closely with for years, graduated in an online course for executive leadership, and she asked me to attend her virtual graduation. That is what happened just before this [interview], and so I am very emotional right now. It makes me so happy and I am so proud of her. She took this time while she is on half-furlough to make herself better, and that is not easy,” Major says. “I am doing the same thing in my own way. I am going through my Gallup CliftonStrengths, doing career assessments, really analyzing what my strengths and weaknesses are, and how I can leverage those to make myself better in the workplace. At the same time, I am doing consulting jobs, and they really lift me up and make me feel like, gosh, I am not wasting my time. When I come out of this, there is going to be a place for me even if, heaven forbid, my workplace cannot have me back. The reality is that as valuable as I feel that I was to my organization, they might not be able to have me come back based on the limitations they have. I have to prepare myself for that eventuality. If they bring me back, that is great; I have grown, and I can use that within my own organization to show that I did not just lay in bed but made something of my time.”
“Sometimes when I am sad, I just sleep,” Haynes says. “When I sleep and wake up, like from a mini-nap or something, if I am still a little sad, I just push through it and know it will eventually get better.”
He continues, “Some people think that I am naturally happy all the time, that I am perky all the time, but I don’t think people understand that people [who appear] naturally happy all the time, it is a front. I think they are happy, but when they are at home by themselves, they are not as happy unless they are around people. People energize me, so when I am not around people, I do not feed off their energy, their facial interactions or reactions. I stay happy because I like to see other people happy. I like to see that they are doing well and I am doing well, too, but I just think I feed off of that energy.”
“I have a true belief that as a Christian, God has a plan in my life and in everyone’s life,” Murray says. “If we trust in His plan, it is going to be good. It might not be a million-dollar home, but it is still going to be good, and there is going to be happiness and joy in it. I guarantee there are times when you do not see it, but if you trust that everything you need is going to be there, it will be.”
“As cliché as it sounds, remember you are not alone. We are some of the most resourceful, creative, able-to-solve-problems-at-a-moment’s-notice people on the planet. Use each other and let’s take care of each other as much as we can,” Baqir says. “Come to the INTIX weekly meeting on Wednesdays. I love that meeting. It is what makes me feel the most grounded all week. If you have a local ticketing group, reach out to the people there, too.”
“There are a lot of coping mechanisms, but one thing is to open up,” Murray says. “You will often find that other people are in the same place as you are. If they are not, they may know someone who is, who can talk to you, or maybe they can understand and listen.”
“You do not have to listen to solve the issue of whatever someone is trying to talk to you about,” Haynes says. “Just listen to them with an open ear, and then personally, with your own journey and your own authentic self, you can find out how to connect with them because every person is different. Everybody is not going to interact with every colleague or every family member or every friend in the same way, but if you come authentically to listen, I think they can see that.”
“Look around you in the weekly INTIX Zoom call,” Baqir says. “I think any INTIX member would be happy to talk to another INTIX member, especially if you’re feeling a professional kind of stress. There is generosity of spirit in all my professional communities since this happened. I think people are opening up to each other and helping each other through this time. I know it can be hard to reach out, but if nothing else, you can request a mentor from INTIX.”
“Growing up, my dad used to tell me to go curl my hair and put on some makeup, which is hilarious because I hardly wear makeup, and I never curl my hair,” Murray says. “What he was espousing was personal care. Right now, we are at home, and it is so easy just to lay in bed for months on end and eat potato chips, which is fine. But sitting on your couch and having it filled with junk food wrappers and watching Netflix, that is not going to make you feel good after 10 hours. Take a shower, do not put it off. Eat some good food. Sleep when you should. Set an alarm to get up. Do some exercise. I will admit I am not really great about the exercise side of it, but I sleep and eat right. If I did not set an alarm, I could easily sleep until 1 p.m., but I force myself to be up by 9:30 every day. Even if you are not leaving the house, you should brush your hair and teeth and put on clothes that you can greet somebody in. You still need to do that, because otherwise every time you look in the mirror, you just feel down.”
“Mental health is so important right now, so give yourself the time you need to take care of yourself. It is an old cliché, but when you are on a plane, there is a reason they tell you to put the mask on your face first before you help others, because if you are not OK, you cannot help those around you,” Robertson says. “Being able to help others is why I do what I do. I like helping people. I like turning a situation that someone was upset about into a positive and changing their experience, both at work and personally. You never know the simple thing that you do and the impact it has on somebody else. Sometimes you find out, other times you do not, so try to be that good thing in somebody’s day just by being positive and welcoming.”
“Hang in there and find your happiness in the stillness of spending time with your family and friends, virtually or in person, because you are never going to get this specific time back to engage with them, to interact with them,” Haynes says. “Have those socially distanced happy hours or family picnics. Find the time for people you have not spoken to in months or years. This is the time that you can reconnect with them, because when the industry gets back up and running within six months or a year, you are going to be so busy, you are going to wish you had all of that time back.”
“We all need to be prepared for this to continue for a while, which sucks, but unfortunately I think it is reality,” Baqir says. “I would recommend that everybody [who is still working], no matter how secure you may feel in your job, take a look at your situation and your resources and make a plan. Even if you cannot make a plan, have a vague idea of what you would do if you got laid off or furloughed or had your hours significantly cut back. If our industry does not come back [as quickly as we would like], what could you do, and what would you want to do? Those kinds of thoughts bring anxiety for people, but if you think they give you anxiety now, imagine if you do not think about it at all and then you have to act on it.”
“There is no game plan or manual on how to deal with this pandemic,” Robertson says. “Everybody is dealing it with the best they can, sometimes day-by-day, sometimes moment-to-moment, and giving each other some grace that every moment might not be our best. If you are struggling, reach out. Nothing is going to be the same again, but it is OK, and we will figure this out together. We have lived through 9/11 and the 2008 recession, and now we are going through this. I would prefer that we do not keep getting something thrown at us every decade, but there has not been anything yet that has destroyed us, and I do not think this will be either. I am going to be standing, and I want all my family and loved ones to be standing there with me. So, my last word of advice is wear your damn mask. That is one of the things we can do to take care of each other. We need to keep our health and the health of those we love at the forefront.”
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Tags: Memberships , Leadership , COVID-19 , Coronavirus